Two weeks ago my big sister passed away. It was sudden and unexpected. She was part of the two percent of people that get blood clots and die from birth control pills. It's so messed up.

I miss her so much. She was my best friend.

...*sigh*

School started one week ago. It's a nice distraction. I still go out with friend and act like my normal, cheery self. Every once in awhile it gets to me. Mostly when I'm at home. Her room is next to mine. We shared a bathroom.

I think I'm handling it better than some people would. I still see the social worker weekly though.

Is it selfish to say I don't deserve this? My parents don't deserve this. Her boyfriend especially didn't deserve this.
She didn't deserve this.
I want her back.

Apparently this whole thing is going to make me stronger, but I'd give anything to be weaker, but still have her.

I don't know many siblings that are as close as we were. I don't know any that lost their sibling.

AP Art is what keeps motivating me to come back to this site. For inspiration. My best pieces are too big to scan and post... maybe I'll try?